http://www.keepandshare.com/doc/2080...32-am-34k?da=y
Hopefully that link works. I'd love some actual comments that point things out to me. Friends have read it and say its good. But to me I feel like they're biting their tongue.
SYNOPSIS:
John is a quiet individual who is normal to an extent. He has friends and a girlfriend, all of whom seem fond of him. But after an enigmatic accident, that involved his girlfriend and him, he seems a little off. Strange dreams plague his sleep, an ambiguous voice torments his thoughts. A revelation causes John to see the source of his hardships: The Devil. Or is it? In a thought provoking discovery John must come to grips with reality and see if ha can survive his insanity. By exploring how he perceives these occurrences the viewer is proposed a question. How does the mind work? What you don't understand, you can make mean anything.
-------
Unfortunately it reminds me of Fight Club and Inception a bit. These references were unintentional first, but upon a rewrite I tipped my hat to them.
Thank you thank you
Hey, welcome to Filmmaking.net!
Unfortunately that link doesn't work though. Says it's not a valid page.
----------
http://vimeo.com/corax
----------
http://vimeo.com/corax
http://www.keepandshare.com/doc/2080768/the-revelation-of-john-final-pdf-july-19-2010-7-32-am-34k
Both should be prompts for a PDF download of said script.
Thanks for the welcome and the notice, Corax.
Welcome!
The first four pages are too preachy for me. All exposition
with nothing happening.
Could you try an actual "pitch" to entice people to read it?
"blah, blah, blah" gives me the impression even you aren't
enthusiastic about your story.
=============================================
The aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory, but progress.
Joseph Joubert, essayist (1754-1824)
=============================================
The aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory, but progress.
Joseph Joubert, essayist (1754-1824)
quote:
Originally posted by certified instigator
Welcome!The first four pages are too preachy for me. All exposition
with nothing happening.Could you try an actual "pitch" to entice people to read it?
"blah, blah, blah" gives me the impression even you aren't
enthusiastic about your story.=============================================
The aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory, but progress.
Joseph Joubert, essayist (1754-1824)
Thank you and yes.. I'll write a real synopsis now. And the "preachy" is more or less what I was going for. I understand how it may drag out, hopefully in post I'll have access material to trim and such. But the idea with that scene is a talk show, but on top of that run some credits since I don't have a large enough crew/cast to justify end credits. I'm goin' old school and putting them in the beginning.
SYNOPSIS:
John is a quiet individual who is normal to an extent. He has friends and a girlfriend, all of whom seem fond of him. But after an enigmatic accident, that involved his girlfriend and him, he seems a little off. Strange dreams plague his sleep, an ambiguous voice torments his thoughts. A revelation causes John to see the source of his hardships: The Devil. Or is it? In a thought provoking discovery John must come to grips with reality and see if ha can survive his insanity. By exploring how he perceives these occurrences the viewer is proposed a question. How does the mind work? What you don't understand, you can make mean anything.
Better? I hope so. Thanks for the feedback.
