hey, that was quick.

I just wrote a very, very long reply, and my Browser crashed, and now i don't have any more time to rewrite it all. I'll come back tomorrow and do an in-depth.

For now a compressed version:
Look up some screenplay formatting rules and conventions. I basically wrote down every single mistake, but you can probably figure it out yourself.

-V

copy & paste! lol yea i dont have much time now either so ill jus wait for w/e your gonna do

thanks
-sk

Yeah, I picked up the copy-paste, and that's an annoying problem, the best thing would be to always but scripts into pdf format when distributing them on the web, but then you would probably need a web host.

But some other things you can do to just make it look a little better on the forums are:

-changing the font to courier

-centering character names and dialogue (which isn't technically correct but looks better then aligned on the left.)

OK now to screenplay formatting rules:

- Sluglines, each scene begins with one (e.g. INT. JENNA'S HOUSE - NIGHT)

- mentioning the camera is a bit of a no-no, if you have to, use 'we' instead

- Action doesn't usually have a many line-breaks as you're putting in, just keep it as one block

- A character on the phone isn't in the scene so you have to indicate (by putting '(O.S.)' (for Off Screen next to the character name)

- camera's generally don't zoom, but dolly or track (but you probably mean a jump cut), but you should probably leave that out from a script anyway, if you're shooting it yourself you can figure those things out when you do a storyboard, otherwise it's the directors decision anyway

- Instead of Close up use CLOSE ON ... (close up is the technical term for the camera shot but isn't used in screenplays)

- you don't need fade out at the end of a scene but if you do want it its a transition which means it's aligned right and all caps (Celtx will do it automatically just select the transition element)

Now as for the actual story, it's nice, a standard sort of slash story, I'm interested to how it goes on. I like how you set up the blender as a possible evil. If you set up the mood right (e.g. sound) that could be very effective.
If you do something original this could be very good.
Keep at it,
Good Luck.
-V

P.S. I noticed a spelling error at the end 'says' should be 'sees' careful with that, I think there were a couple others, keep an eye out when you reread it next time.

okay i just got back in from AC?ark city? fair! And im def gonna follow those rules! what does INT. mean?! ?sorry for the questions ?:D?? and when you say we what do you mean also?! ?haha im such a noobie lol? and i liked the smoothie/blender to Austin?partner? wanted something else! ANd i was like heck no ?so i let him change some other stuff? and not forshore about 2nd scene ?i have an idea written all ready & its basicaly just the cop?s? there questiong everybody what do you think? & about the spelling errors yea i noticed it to but it was 12:30am when i got done! lol so thanks. Do you have an email i could send the 2nd scene too?! bc it takes forever to load on the forums & no use spamming them up with usless content?not forshore if going to use it or not?ill also have my Partner look it over Monday he's out of state at the moment!! Thanks
-Sk

any questions
shawnie.boi?gmail.com

Always use Courier 12-point font!

Left Margin is 1.5 inches (appx.15 spaces)

From Left Margin justified left tabs:
Character name is appx. 25 spaces
Parenthetical is appx. 21 spaces
Dialogue is appx. 15 spaces

Dialogue should not run longer than 3.5 inches.

Use an unjustified 1.0 right margin.

1.0 inch top and bottom

Sluglines or Scene Headers.

Written in capitals and containing three pieces of information: (1) Where; (2) Exactly where, and (3) when. (2) and (3) are separated by a space, a dash, followed by another space.

(1) can be INT. (interior) or EXT. (exterior); (2) is a short identification of the place; and (3) can be either DAY or NIGHT.

For example:

INT. DENISE?S PLACE - DAY

You can use more than one subject.

For example:

EXT. DENISE?S PLACE - TERRACE - DAY

or:

EXT. DENISE?S PLACE/TERRACE - DAY

You need a new slugline each time you change the place, and/or change the time.

Action, or Description

The screenplay?s visual elements, where we show what is taking place on the screen. Character descriptions, what they are doing, the places, and everything the audience will need to assimilate visually. And nothing else! Do not use camera angles or "we see" or "we move" or "we hear".

Try to create the experience of watching each scene, using only the information available to the movie-goer, in the order that he or she will be presented with it.

Write activly. Try not to use ...ing.
Jenna makes a drink. is more active than Jenna is making a drink.

=============================================
The aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory, but progress.
Joseph Joubert, essayist (1754-1824)

Heres the second scene sorry i aint doin everything again its late but worse my computer is being an ass!! I dont think its avery good but what every yalls think!!! if yea have any better ideas(or how to improve) thanks!!

-Sk
REMOVED SCRIPT

The Oscars website has a nice tutorial on formatting a screenplay.

http://www.oscars.org/nicholl/format_a.txt

Read through the whole thing. The document itself is an example of formatting but the characters help explain it as they go. Its well worth a read. Beyond that your screenplay program probably does the basics for you.

RJSchwarz
San Diego, CA

hey guys sorry been awhile!! been busy with school & scrit!! my partner is writing scene?end of it?3 * all 4!! so ill post as soon as i get them & make changes/edit!!!

thanks yall

-Sk

?EMAIL=shawnie.boi?gmail.com??IMG? ?/IMG??/EMAIL?