Okay. So one of my friends recently came up with the idea of shooting a film about a Medallion. At first, I was very skeptical about this idea. But once he told me about it some more, and told me about the ending he had in mind, I became more interested.
This is the general outline/summary:
Three kids are on a class outdoor trip, when they stumble on what appears to be an ancient golden medallion. It's cut into three pieces, and there is foreign writing engraved on it which they cannot read. Each of the kids take a piece home.
One of the kid's parents are workaholics, so they've hired a gardener to take care of the house from time to time. One night, the gardener discovers the piece of the Medallion. All the three kids pieces begin to glow (the other kids are asleep in their rooms at this time). We hear an earie voice say "Hello, John".
This strange force talks control of the mind of the Gardener. He uses him as a physical form to find the other three pieces. He "kidnaps" one of the kids (the one that lives in the house he works at). Another kid tries to call him the next day, but no answer. So he goes over the house, only to find him tied up. The gardener enters and we see him swing an axe at the kid. It fades out.
The last remaining kid returns with some more friends to the scene where the Medallion was found. He has been trying to call the other kids but no luck. In the background there is a shaded man. We see him leave. Later, the 3rd boy runs into this man again and he tells him to hide the piece and never talk of it again.
The boy does not listen, and goes to the house. Fortunately, the 'shaded' man has followed him there. Somehow, I'm not sure yet, the shaded man will defeat the gardener (John). John will vanish, presumed dead. (This needs work)
The final scene will be the boy who was hit with an axe, in hospital. One nurse comes over and asks for assistance from the doctor. The doctor tells the boy that there will be someone coming in, in just a second.
The new doctor steps into the room. The boy shakes with fear as the Gardener puts his gloves on.
Script so far:
http://www.chrishurn.com/gardenman.htm
I'd really like a lot of help on this one. Advice, suggestions, ANYTHING. Especially with making the plot more interesting, things I can get rid of, things to add, even suggest different scenarios etc.
Any help would be great. Thank you!
-Chris
The Gardner as doctor ending didn't work for me. Maybe you're not relating the twist well but why would the hospital staff allow a stranger in the first place? Unless the doctor is not the gardner but instead another possessed victim/killer in which case you need to find some way to show who is possessed and explain how the doctor came into it.
Personally I'd dump the medallion possession and have them find a locket in a park. They screw with it, deface the photo inside, and melt it. They don't realize the locket was one of the few posessions of one of the gardeners that take care of the park and he saw them leave the scene of the crime and starts to go after them.
The first kid is killed with shears as they walk out of the park. Lop. The other two scream and freak. One trips. the gardener grabs him.
The last of the three kids escapes being killed and runs into the gardeners boss. Instead of a dark man you make that character the guy that owns the gardening company the crazy gardner works for. He can relate how the gardener was in prison for murder but was released for good behavior after serving time in a looney-bin. He's quiet, does good work.
The kid realizes the boss is delaying him for some reason. He looks back and sees a photo of the gardner and the boss, a father/son type photo on a clipboard in the backseat of teh gardener truck. He sees the gardener coming up. The boss tries to grab the kid, the kid squirms out and escapes. he's chased by the gardner. The boss helps by driving in the street and helping to locate them.
The kid finally chops the gardender's head off with a hedge trimmer. The boss/father grabs the kids seconds later. He's weaping at the loss of his son and picks the kid up and drags him to the gardner truck, which has a branch/tree shredder in back. He turns it on and starts to force the kid into it. The kid fights back. His jacket (tied around his waist) gets pulled in and shredded. The kid kicks the boss in the chin and he's dropped. He kicks the guy in the balls and then shoves him in to the shredder.
Probably a short movie but you can lengthen it. Potentially it could be pretty creepy.
RJSchwarz
San Diego, CA
RJSchwarz
Thanks a lot! 😀
I like the idea of the gardener working at a park, and the object being a locket. But not so sure about the amount of 'action' this film requires. I'd like to keep it subtle, but creepy. Any ideas?
Also I would like to keep this project under 7 minutes. I'm considering shooting 8mm, so perhaps something more simple would be ideal. I'm hardly a writer at all, so it's great to have someone who can help out in this area.
Cheers.
-Chris
Exuse the double post;
I was thinking about how I could make this a more artistic film, and something that could connect with the audience a little more. I was thinking of taking your idea of the object being a locket, and the gardener working at a park.
Maybe he had a girlfriend years ago who owned the locket, and she tragically died (somehow, not sure yet). The gardener lived all these years by himself in iscolation. (what more can be done here?)
This idea can surely be expanded. How can I get the audience to feel sorry for him, even though he is a murderer? I could have some quite intimate scenes with him and the locket under the moonlight, swinging slowly on a swing or something, perhaps. (example)
Can anyone else help me expand on this? I'm really looking to make something Tim Burton-style, forget my last post on 8mm.
Cheers!
-Chris
If you want to make the gardener more sympathetic have the kids find the locket, screw with the locket, maybe remove the picture, and then get harrassed by the gardener who doesn't kill them but who chases them, tackles them and fights to get the locket back. in the process the lockets chain is broken.
If you set it up right the gardener can seem slightly crazy, and his grabbing and fighting them for the locket can become scary. Then when he's got one of them down and it looks like he's gonna kill the kid he grabs the locket and kisses it and falls to his knees and cries or something.
The kids scramble away, realizing they caused the problem and that he really wasn't trying to kill them after all. And the movie with one of the kids coming back to the park and leaving a locket chain and the stolen photo, for the gardener to find.
Then at the end of the credits you can have the kids return to the spot to find a pile of baseballs, and other sports equipment that might have been lost over the years left for them.
RJSchwarz
San Diego, CA
RJSchwarz
