Hello (: My name is Nathan and I am currently working on a very intense film project. I am an indepdent filmmaking with a bit of experiance (several short films, all which I directed and edited, a few competitions, three awards, and two full length screenplays prior to this current project).
Filmmaking is my life passion, I was twelve years old when I knew I wanted to direct movies and with a huge imagination created my own world of stories.
The project I am working on was thought of when I was 15 years old, and five years later I have ressurected the idea and turned it into a full feature length screenplay.
The problem I have at this point is the length of the screenplay. Because I wrote it so freely with so much description, the screenplay has turned out to be a 309 page first draft. I don't, in any way, expect this film to turn out to be 309 minutes of course. In fact I highly doubt I need to trim much more of the story up, the length and timing of the events falls in place perfectly.
What seems to be lengthening the screenplay is detail. I wrote the draft almost like I was writting a novle, with paragraphs and deep description of characters and locations. I even wrote the details on how I wanted the title sequence to work out, and I set up several shot descriptions in almost ever scene. All together, I realized I had created more of a shooting script then a spec script, and I am faced with a worry.
Whenever it comes time to crack down and present this story to investors, will it be a problem that the length of the screenplay does not match the timing in any way? Do I need to remove as much of the buisness and details as I can in order to focus on a straight story? Or is it fine to leave it the way it is considering I plan to personall direct, produce and edit this feature?
Comments would be greatly appreciated. (: Thank you for your time!
The one page/one minute guideline only works if the
script is in the usual, standard format. Your "shooting
script" most likely does not fit that guideline.
quote:
Originally posted by TheGitzoKing
Whenever it comes time to crack down and present this story to investors, will it be a problem that the length of the screenplay does not match the timing in any way? Do I need to remove as much of the buisness and details as I can in order to focus on a straight story?
Yes; when approaching investors you need to present
a screenplay in the standard, acceptable format. It's
what they are comfortable seeing. The good news is
twofold:
One; you will have a detailed shooting script already
finished when you get the financing.
Two; applying the discipline as a writer will be very
helpful to you.
So my suggestion is to rewrite the screenplay in the
standard, accepted format and present that when
looking for funding. Then when you have the backers
you pull out your detailed shooting script and you are
ready to go.
Remember, even as the writer/producer/director you
will be giving the script to other department heads -
they, too, are expecting a script in the standard format.
It's how they do their job.
=============================================
The aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory, but progress.
Joseph Joubert, essayist (1754-1824)
=============================================
The aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory, but progress.
Joseph Joubert, essayist (1754-1824)
I see, so what you are generally saying is, I've simply taken a few steps forward by writting the screenplay all the way through for shooting purposes. Creating a toned down spec script shouldn't be all that hard. Thank you very much for taking the time to answer my question!
However; just to clarify that I am doing the right thing, I feel as though to trim down on the length, I should take out the following:
1) The title sequence description (takes up several, several pages), although it does require several scenes to be shot in order to produce it.
2) The major details on characters and locations. Instead of "Dominic is tall, strong pale man with black hair and a small light brown goatee. He walks with a strong presence and gives a constant smirk at anyone who passes by him.", something more like "Domonic is a tall, pale man with a strong presence."
3) There are a few montages within the film, both which I have spent much time placing scene headings and long descriptions of shots that last little more then ten seconds, simply so I can establish a new location and the details of the characters expression and even their outfits. Should I instead use the standard "listing" style of expressing the order or the montage with quick one sentense descriptions?
4) The long detailed fight sequences. The biggest bulk of the screenplay are the pages of paragraph descriptions of the details of every single step and flinch the characters make. The hardest part about changing a long detailed paragraph to "Jonathan steps back as Michael swings but misses" is I fear losing the impact of the emotion and suspence that I try to convey to keep the readers interested. But, non the less, I guess what you said about "writters discipline" is where that pertains to.
IF someone else wound up directing your script, the FIRST they would do is ignore all of the detail which tells them how to shoot it. Directors, like yourself, feel that they have the "best" way to envision a movie and anyone else's ideas are wrong.
So, yes, trim out all of the descriptive stuff and cut it down to basics. "EXT DAY STREET .... Character A walks out door, sees Character B .... DIALOGUE." Keep it simple for the script, but of course save the description for later. And the truth is, even the way you see it now on paper will be different from what actually happens on set due to locations you actually get to use and the logistics of the day and limitations of equipment, etc. Don't get so married to your words that the shooting process (and later in editorial) suffers.
For any writer, I highly recommend that you invest time to read through the website www.wordplayer.com for some extremely valuable advice.
Brian Dzyak
Cameraman/Author
IATSE Local 600, SOC
http://www.whatireallywanttodo.com
http://www.realfilmcareer.com
Brian Dzyak
Cameraman/Author
IATSE Local 600, SOC
http://www.whatireallywanttodo.com
http://www.realfilmcareer.com
quote:
Originally posted by TheGitzoKing
1) The title sequence description (takes up several, several pages), although it does require several scenes to be shot in order to produce it.
The title sequence in not the writers job. Take it out.
quote:
Originally posted by TheGitzoKing
2) The major details on characters and locations. Instead of "Dominic is tall, strong pale man with black hair and a small light brown goatee. He walks with a strong presence and gives a constant smirk at anyone who passes by him.", something more like "Domonic is a tall, pale man with a strong presence."
If "tall and pale" are essential to the character and story
leave it in. If the actor could be dark or medium hight
and not affect the story, leave it out. If as the director
you see an actor who really gets the part and is a hell
of a good actor but isn't tall does the story change? Do
you not cast this actor because he isn't tall and pale?
In your screenplay write only what is essential to the
story.
quote:
Originally posted by TheGitzoKing
3) There are a few montages within the film, both which I have spent much time placing scene headings and long descriptions of shots that last little more then ten seconds, simply so I can establish a new location and the details of the characters expression and even their outfits. Should I instead use the standard "listing" style of expressing the order or the montage with quick one sentense descriptions?
The expressions of the characters and their outfits are
not what the writer is expected to include. The actors
will read the script and with the director choose their
expressions during each scene. The costumer will decide
on the outfits. The script should be all about the story,
not about the final details of the finished movie.
quote:
Originally posted by TheGitzoKing
4) The long detailed fight sequences. The biggest bulk of the screenplay are the pages of paragraph descriptions of the details of every single step and flinch the characters make. The hardest part about changing a long detailed paragraph to "Jonathan steps back as Michael swings but misses" is I fear losing the impact of the emotion and suspence that I try to convey to keep the readers interested. But, non the less, I guess what you said about "writters discipline" is where that pertains to.
It's difficult especially when you know for sure you will be
producing and directing. And if you feel all the detail is
essential then you must leave it in. But you should at the
very least understand that what you have now is not
standard and will make financing and attracting others to
your project difficult.
A writer shows emotion and suspense in different ways
than a director. "Jonathan steps back as Michael swings
but misses" is all you need. If you have written an
emotional, suspenseful script, that line will be fine. If
you need two or three lines to say the same thing, maybe
something else is wrong.
How about giving it a try? See what happens. Many, many
writer/directors before you have managed to maintain
emotion and suspense in their scripts without writing in
every detail. Maybe you can do that, too. If you can't you
will still have the 309 page script. And if you feel you
cannot express yourself in the shorter, standard version,
you can attempt to get financing using the long version.
How did you write your two previous screenplays? The same
as this one?
=============================================
The aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory, but progress.
Joseph Joubert, essayist (1754-1824)
=============================================
The aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory, but progress.
Joseph Joubert, essayist (1754-1824)
To bjdzyak,
Thank you for that advice! And I deffiantly do understand that a lot of what I envision in this script will not exactly come out that way on set, and I am prepared for that. The best explination I have for why I put so much detail into the script as I wrote it was to express exactly how seen each scene in my mind. I was, afterall, 15 years old when I first created the concept and I've visioned each scene continously over the course of 5 years and have created quite a large database in my imagination.
To certifiedinvestigator,
1. The title sequence was included because it includes scenes that are essential to the story. I have however chosen to include those few scenes in brief without explaining that they occur during the titles to avoid confusion.
2. & 3. Thank you for that advice as well! I will keep that guideline in mind whenever I go back through the story! As I said earlier, most of the detail was created just to express my vision, but I most certaintly will take your advice when it comes to re-creating the script.
4. My plan is to keep the shooting script for myself and use it as personal guidelines to transfer onto FrameForge whenever I get into Pre-Viz in February. From there I will keep the Shooting Script with me in case I need to return to it, but will use a spec script for financing.
To answer your question, actually no I did not. I wrote my first screenplay "Survival Chase" when I was sixteen and it was a 150 pages, just a little over what I expected it to be. I've thought about resurecting the idea but the budget is simply too large for me to tackle at my stage of talent. My last one "Century of Demons" was when I was 17, and was really low in detail and ended up being 135 pages.
Again, thank you to both of you for pitching in advice!
