Very rough story scenario for what will probably be worked into a stage play ? I know this is a filmmaking website, but I thought it would be nice to get some initial reaction.
The three big themes are:
Family ? and what does that mean
Your Inner demons -- where do they come from, are they passed on from father and son
Life?s goals ? what are we to do with our lives, is there a purpose to working a job kind of thing
The main character deals all three in the course of a summer right after college graduation
Characters
Main Protagonist (Phil)
Stepfather
Mother
Father
Girlfriend
Brother
On the eve of his college graduation Phil and his girlfriend break up because --
She wants someone with a stable future, someone more productive
He felt that this was the most stable part of his life,
To cope Phil comes home to live with his Mother and Stepfather and loner/depressed step brother, he doesn?t have a job and doesn?t really know what to do with himself.
Tension starts to build in the house, The stepfather wants him out of the house and the mother can?t seem to cut him off.
He subsequently is dealing with issues of sexuality and sex/porn addiction that to some extent has been brought on by the trauma of his childhood with his father (who was controlling and somewhat abusive, and who himself was a pedophile and porn addict (something that Phil fears might be hereditary, a fear that keeps him from becoming to his full potential).
His relationship with his girlfriend was the thing keeping this at bay, he has started to spend all his money (what little of it he has) on porn and prostitutes.
One night a fight boils up until the mother has to go out for a drive ? she ends up in a crash and dies.
We see how each person (stepfather, stepbrother, and Phil) deal with the shock and grief
Stepfather blames Phil ? not really for killing her but for bringing about the fight that sent her off
The Brother stays quiet and depressed and maybe even picks up a bottle.
Phil goes back to the sex and we see him again confronted by porn and or prostitutes.
On the day of the funeral his Father shows up and Phil meets him for the first time in 10 years?.he was in prison for most of it for some sexually taboo thing (not abuse to Phil but probably buying child porn or something like that.
The two ends up at a local diner for a cup of coffee late at night to try to catch up and work out problems, he ends up realizing that he doesn?t have much in common with his father and ends up walking away.
The play ends with Phil confronting his stepfather and telling him that he is there to make what is left of the family work.
Let me know what you think, is there too much going on? Does anything jump out as it doesn?t work or fit in? Any constructive comments and criticism is welcome. Remember that this is a very very rough scenario and characters and events are not written in stone by any means?although the three themes kind of are.
Thanks, Patrick
Keeping in mind that it's a very rough scenario my comment is it's filled with cliches. However, so are many plays. It's the execution of these ideas that make a play great - not just the ideas. As you present it here, it doesn't interest me at all.
I think your key line is: "We see how each person (stepfather, stepbrother, and Phil) deal with the shock and grief". If what you show is interesting, compelling and shows aspects of this expression of grief in ways we have never seen, you will have yourself a good play. The quiet, depressed brother who drinks and the stepfather who blames his stepson is something we have seen over and over. If you can bring some new understanding to this, it might work.
And then you add the jailbird father. As your ending stands now, nothing is resolved. Phil still doesn't know what he wants to do with himself, he has nothing in common with his father or his stepfather, the issue of the girlfriend is never addressed, you really leave everything hanging.
If you can pull that off - you might have a powerful play. But the only way to tell is to write the play. What you have presented here is incomplete, filled with cliches and not interesting. What you have in your head might be amazing. My suggestion is to write the play.
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The aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory, but progress.
Joseph Joubert, essayist (1754-1824)
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The aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory, but progress.
Joseph Joubert, essayist (1754-1824)
Hello,
Yes, cliches perhaps, but workable. I suggest avoiding the stage play modality and "feel" it would work best as a film.
The scenario has a sordidness that you must exploit fully to make this work. What you don't have nailed is a decision about Phil...will there be redemption or his own continuing spiral of porn addiction? Your redemption ( there to make the family work) is contrived. I'd let him spiral.
As per other comment here, lose the step-dad. Perhaps an outwardly successful "uncle", (the estranged father's old boss?). Phil's older male role-model.
Phil's not coming home from College, but has just been fired from his one shot at a good paying successful job...that's why he gets dumped.
Brother should not have an addiction, but have an innocence combined with an annoying affliction/tic that unnerves Phil even more.
He sees the old girlfriend with someone else who represents a winner persona and realizes she never was or could be for him. He gets rejected/can't perform in feeble stabs at connecting intimately with another woman, in an attempt to emulate the uncle and escape his fantasy addiction.
The mother ( who is painfully aware of Phil's porn habit) dies( not killed) suddenly of stress induced stroke when she sees a sense-memory image. Phil sees his father at the funeral but no words exchanged. Dad hasn't been in jail,he's a scrounger.
Phil could be sent on his final spiralling when he finds out the helpful uncle isn't all he seems either, he's a closet boozehound, did the porno swap thing/visiting brothels with Phil's dad, and is a family -bully. The Uncle blames Phil for his mom's death as well as insulting bro( bro's tic may have come from seeing something....the killer of mom image,with uncle and mom), and Phil realizes that uncle's "purpose" of making money for its own sake has left him bitter, his sexual desire for Phil's mom went unfulfilled ?), and the uncle's wife and kids hate him.
Brother is left alone at the end with Phil breaking a promise to him. Phil ends up lost in porno alley, where he sees his father being flogged by a dominatrix.
You need to have juxtaposition for the sordidness, perhaps in the relationship between Phil and mom/bro at the beginning of the film. Even the uncle's superficial charm would be a device here. The nice girl he meets after the breakup, who can't handle his porn addiction and disconnection. Also, you should play up the porno but scrap any references to pedophilia because that will remove any redemptive-hoping empathy from your audience.
Anyway, these are all suggestions out of my head, and may be even more cliched than yours! A lot of changes no matter what. Still, your essential themes are good ones and could be explored with my alternatives as well as with your own. Again, NOT a play.
Best wishes and I admire your enthusiasm.
