Hi
Deleted the last thread so i ll just give the shortest form of the story. It's a 30 min short. Please send in your views.
Jacob is a mathematician whose experiment on time-space goes wrong. Result of which his hearing is out of sync with his vision. His audio(what he hears) lags behind his visuals(what he sees) and the difference increases day by day. It deeply affects his personal life. He goes to the doctor. He seeks spiritual help. but he is beyond help. He cant change his condition back. Frustrated with his condition he decides to live one more day. He very thoroughly plans that one day. He makes a very detailed schedule(his day to day tasks) and performs it a day before so that on the actual day when he follows the schedule it syncs with the audio. He feels life has returned to normal on that one day at the end of which he kills himself. end.
I am almost done with the script but i would like some new thoughts/comments.
thanks
loku
What all goes on in the climax? I think with good writing and acting, along with some really unexpected plot twists, this could turn into a fresh and original idea. It just seems to me like it would be really difficult to develop into a small story, let alone into a thirty minute short.
Thanks for the comments andy. I ll post screenplay soon
A few things you might want to think about:
Thirty minutes is long for a short. Many moviemakers don't see many short films - which is a shame. I go to several festivals a year and see a lot of them. It's very rare that anything longer than fifteen minutes is engaging. The shorter the better. Have you seen a lot of short films in the thirty minute range that you really like?
You'll also find that a lot of short films end with the protagonist dying or committing suicide. I think it's something almost all filmmaker do - I did. But that's very rarely a satisfying ending. You have a really interesting concept here. I understand this is just an outline, but if I were a producer and you pitched this to me I would pass. The ending has no sense of irony, doesn't seem to fit with the story, is a very standard, typical overused twist and feels like a cop-out. Is suicide the best way to resolve his conflict?
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The aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory, but progress.
Joseph Joubert, essayist (1754-1824)
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The aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory, but progress.
Joseph Joubert, essayist (1754-1824)
I'd have to agree with certified. This Jacob character should have a better way out of his conflict instead of suicide. Without some unexpected turns in the plot and an unanticipated ending, it will be hard to create appeal to an audience.
