Okay, first formatting. I don't think CUT TO is used very often anylonger. I also think you should get rid of the fade in fade outs as these mean a long fade into blackness. It usually means a long passage of time. It works here, but seems overdone as you'll have a lot of black screen. Lastly on formatting you have a few directorial camera bits in there. If you are intending to direct this yourself that's probably fine but generally you just write the details as if the camera sees it and let the viewer determine closeup or not. Also you've broken some of the dialogue with carriage returns to show pauses, normally you let the actors figure that out unless you want a particularly long pause.

Second, plot and all that. You never really answer what happened. You hint that he killed her with a knife and has remorse but that scene with the knives may come earlier in the chronology so I can't be certain. You never really explain why either. Assuming he killed her which is why he's sort of confessing, why? because she's too close to Emma? We need more of the why for this to work.

Thirdly the subway and city street bits don't help the narrative as far as I can tell. I'd dump them.

RJSchwarz
San Diego, CA

Another formatting error. When the Boss is saying "Jason... Jason...", it is indicated as V.O., which means voice over. In this case it should be O.S. for off screen. A voice over is for when someone is reading a narration or something like that.

Generally, the script was nice and the dialog was good. I'm not sure I get it though. Although I admit I did a quick fly through it while at work. Maybe if I re-read it more carefully.

Hey,

Thanks for the comments. This script writing business seems to be not very clear cut as ive downloaded quite a few such as Fight Club, Training Day etc. and they seem to vary in terms of what included and whats not. CUT TO: for expample is used in some recent film scripts but not others so im none the wiser!....I have changed V.O to O.S though as that seems right.

As far as the story goes i dont want to say too much and i think it will be more obvious when its filmed as i will be directing it. In short though its about a guy who loses his mind. The rest is open to interpretation and thats how i want it!?:)?

Thanks again, more comments would be apprecited.

Matt

Cut To is old style but a few already well known screenwriters continue to use it which probably makes for a miss-match of styles in newer scripts.

RJSchwarz
San Diego, CA

Just out of interest what do people use now instead?

Now they simply put the the next Scene Header, the cut to is implied. William Goldman still uses the cut to from time to time because he believes it makes the script more readable in style but he's got at least one Academy award so he could write on toilet paper in gibberish and he'd at least have people reading it, the rest of us risk the script being ignored if there is the slightest hint of newbie to the thing.

The exception is the SLAM CUT which means a particularly abrupt cut often used for comedic effect. Sort of Gilligan saying "I won't do it, I won't do it, I won't do it" Slam CUT, Gilligan doing it. I'm not sure why that is different except it tells the producers not to switch the bloody scenes around because these two must go in order.

RJSchwarz
San Diego, CA

Thanks rjschwarz, ill edit it. Another thing is, where im using FADE OUT:, FADE IN:, what i actually want is a dissolve. Where the screen gradually goes black and then gradually opens the next scene except over a short period. What should i put in the script to show thats what i want?...Im using Final Draft and it doesnt have the option for dissolve.

Cheers,

Matt

That sort of thing is normally left up to the director. HOwever you could simply put at the end of a scenes something like...

INT "THE ROOM" - DAY?

Jack sits in his chair, smiling.

JACK
We left him to die in the desert, the prick.

The cigarette glows brightly as he takes a long drag and we dissolve to...

EXT DESERT - DAY

The sun is hot and bright in the clear sky. It beats down on a campsite.
Empty beer bottles litter the area. DANIEL sits in a beach chair rubbing
suntan lotion on his girlfriend.

DANIEL
I'm so hung over, I'm dying.

RJSchwarz
San Diego, CA

i Like your script dialogue......it sounds like me this morning...very hungover!!