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A story - what do you think?

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(@eastern-lights-pr)
Posts: 1
New Member
Topic starter
 

Hi everyone.

It's my first post and visit here, so let's try and make the best of it.

For a couple of days I had a story in my mind and I typed it all out. Now I'm working on the script. But I suddenly realised; I don't know what the general audience will think of it. So here is the basic plot, in a rough version. This is a drama 😉

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Chris is a normal guy. And like normal guys he too has the normal wear and tear of the normal life. He and his girlfriend broke up and will probably never talk again.

A few days later he helps out a strange girl, who dwelled all alone in a storm outside. She stopped and stayed standing still right in front of his house. He gets her inside , getting compassion with her, and trying to find out what's happening. The girl doesn't say anything and leaves, but thanks him for his care.

A few days later she began to look for him at his school. He follows her and protects her from a big, mean bully. They start to like each other. The girl has no friends and has gone through a lot of things, but no-one seems to care about that. Chris understands her and they become good friends.

But after a time, more than friends. But when she announces that she is going to live in another country things got turned over for Chris. At the end, she dies in a car crash (or another accident), leaving Chris suddenly, and with tesame feelings as at the beginning of the story...

---

This is a bit awkward. These lines don't say much. But what do you guys think?

Thanks.

Eastern Lights Productions

"If it can be written, or thought, it can be filmed." - Stanley Kubrick

 
Posted : 02/08/2007 11:06 pm
(@rjschwarz)
Posts: 1814
Noble Member
 

If he ends up the same emotionally as he started than the audience has wasted their time. Having someone die in a car crash in the end puts you in chick flick territory. Few want to end their movie going experience with a real down ending. You should rethink the ending.

You've got an interesting meeting between the two, but beyond that I'm not sure there is really a story.

RJSchwarz
San Diego, CA

RJSchwarz

 
Posted : 02/08/2007 11:45 pm
(@danstin-studios)
Posts: 175
Estimable Member
 

I think that they should have a mutual friend that they both meet after they have become friends, or that is her loner friend, that helps Chris to overcome the car crash and resolve it emotionally.

Go to
http://whatsmyscore.org/contest/videos.php?displayVideo=71
to vote for the video by RansomFilms. I would greatly appreciate your support. Help a budding filmmaker get his break!

"We all have the potential to be great. It is our inability to do so that makes us miserable." C.S.Lewis

 
Posted : 03/08/2007 2:33 am
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