I couldn't really pick out any one thing that was missing, but there are a couple things that you might want to consider.

When it shows the guy reading the book, the old film effect seems like it should be animated instead of static.

When he is dancing, with the camera angle looking up towards him, the lights don't appear to be flashing. This probably doesn't affect the short at all, but it is something I noticed the second time I watched it through. Again, probably not a big deal.

I think part of what might be missing is that, when the guy asks the girl to go and meet him, it shows her getting up and walking somewhere, but he just appears on the scene. They also seem to have been in the same house the whole time.

When the guy winks at the end, it was really hard to notice. This is probably just from the low resolution on YouTube. Also, the credits disappeared too quickly to read any of the names, but probably only because of trying to keep it right at 60 seconds.

I think you did a good job overall. The stuff I mentioned might not make much of a difference to put in whatever you think is missing. I know how frustrating it can be to pinpoint exactly what is needed. Good luck.

cheers man,

The old film thing was done in Vegas and im not sure how to get it looking animated.

The rest of your points i agree with but it has to be 60 seconds long and i cant see how i can cut it down to fit a btter ending.

Please keep the comments coming.

That's strange. Are you using the Sony Film Effects plugin? It comes with the program. I just tried it out and when I preview my footage, the lines and grain are all animated.