It's not avbout what I've experienced thus far...it's about 3 different characters who I now feel....after re-reading it...represent three different levels of myself....how I think and function.
And if jimmy hendrix was of that importance to rock and roll (i think the beatles or bob dylan PWN him)....he would be the Orson Welles of rock and roll....Welles wouuldnt be him. Now that I think of it though....Bob Dylan would be more Ingmar Bergman than Welles.
A tool for improving the human condition...
We must all surpass eachother.
Draw me after you, let us run.
haha wow...hyndrix was a god on the guitar and was gods gift to the world as a guitarist. but we arent talking about rock and roll. im still not understanding what the drive in the movie would be. you know what i mean? there needs to be a reason for the audience to want ot watch. unless you are just showing this to your friends. but you are gonna need for something to keep teh audience watching. i thought i read something about how you had an injury and you wanted to come back from it and become a great track athlete??? now that could work. but as for us just seeing how your mind works...im not sure people are gonna want to watch that unless there is some driving force...dont get angry imnot saying your stupid or that your arent an interesting human being im just saying there needs to be some sort of conflict or reason why people should watch
"I believe the cinema is one of our principal forms of art. It is an incredibly powerful way to tell uplifitng stories that can move people to cry with joy and inspire them to reach for the stars."-Wes Craven
"Anyone who has ever been privileged to direct a film also knows that, although it can be like trying to write 'War and Peace' in a bumper car in an amusement park, when you finally get it right, there are not many joys in life that can equal the feeling." - Stanley Kubrick
we can't really help you unless we see the script.
I'm 17 myself so hopefully I'll be able to understand your story well enough.
If you want to email it here's my email address:
?url="mailto:vierstein?gmail.com"?vierstein?gmail.com?/url?
good films made by very young filmmakers are not unheard of. KIDS, and THIRTEEN were both written/co-written by very young writers.
however, the reality is, is that most writers do not blossom until they are at least in their mid-20s, and usually much later than that. your script might have the potential for being good, but you can hardly blame the people here for being skeptical. with life experience, you realize that the thoughts, and ideas you had as a teenager and believed to be original and groundbreaking were in fact trite and cliche. that's not to say that your script is, it's just the reality 99.9% of the time.
this is even more prevelant in terms of screenwriting, which requires a lot more structure and discipline than novels or short stories. a script can have lots of wonderful ideas and notions within it, but if it does not have proper structure or flow, it will be a bad script. learning the craft of screenwriting requires a study and discipline that most 16 year olds are unwilling to, or simply not have the time yet to do.
if you came to this board for general advice, and since i'm not that much older than you and started filmmaking when i was around your age, i can offer four pieces.
keep writing. your 10th script will be 10X better than your first script.
keep filmmaking. your 10th film will be 100X better than your first film.
keep reading. you cannot be a good writer without being a good reader.
keep watching. you cannot be a good filmmaker without being a good film watcher.
(... of course, that's complicated too. i recommend you get yourself a good comprehensive film list, IE Time's top 100, or Ebert's Great Movie List, and watch EVERY MOVIE ON THE LIST. that's a fantastic film education right there.)
www.maketradefair.com
www.thehungersite.com
www.oxfam.ca
www.maketradefair.com
www.thehungersite.com
www.oxfam.ca
Hall, I hate to tell you but pretty much everyone thinks they've lived life at 16 and then by 20 realize that at 16 they knew nothing. Then by 30 they realize that at 20 they were a fool. Life is an ongoing process of learning that you really didn't know as much as you thought you did. Perhaps you have had the roughest life possible and learned everything, how do we know that? All we know is what you've told us. You've provided nothing in the way of concrete details for anyone to judge your ideas upon. You pretty much responded like a child when someone pointed reality to you as they saw it, more or less proving their point.
So what are you looking for on this board if you're unwilling to listen?
Take a deep breath and provide some details if you want feedback. Take a couple deep breathes and wait for the feedback because honest feedback can often be painful, that's life, and dishonest feedback is worthless.
RJSchwarz
San Diego, CA
RJSchwarz
You haven't read my story yet, so dont expect to knwo what it's about. It is exactly about hwat you were talking about actually...how people try to run away from being young when they are young and deeply regret it when they are old. It's about confusion....it's about tihngs we learn in life.
A tool for improving the human condition...
We must all surpass eachother.
Draw me after you, let us run.
well im sorry is i pissed you off before but can we put that aside and look at this as one filmmaker to another. Im intrigued to know what your script is like. So, I'll give you my email adress and you can do with it what you like, wheather that be writing me nasty emails, looking for tips, or sending me your script. I just want to know what the plot is and as you stated the only way for me to do that is to see your script then i can give you tips if you want them. However if you dont like hearing negative things about your work then don't email it to me because chances are that i will have many good things to say but also some bad things. The only way to get better is to be knocked down then get back up again and try harder.
Robins22?cortland.edu
ps. Ourkid, good point and well said
"I believe the cinema is one of our principal forms of art. It is an incredibly powerful way to tell uplifitng stories that can move people to cry with joy and inspire them to reach for the stars."-Wes Craven
"Anyone who has ever been privileged to direct a film also knows that, although it can be like trying to write 'War and Peace' in a bumper car in an amusement park, when you finally get it right, there are not many joys in life that can equal the feeling." - Stanley Kubrick
quote:
Originally posted by robi8886
...ps. Ourkid, good point and well said
yeah... i'm pretty great.
www.maketradefair.com
www.thehungersite.com
www.oxfam.ca
www.maketradefair.com
www.thehungersite.com
www.oxfam.ca
I sent an outline of it just now.
A tool for improving the human condition...
We must all surpass eachother.
Draw me after you, let us run.
Yo, I sent you what little script I have, Robi.Yo, I sent you what little script I have, Robi.
A tool for improving the human condition...
We must all surpass eachother.
Draw me after you, let us run.
quote:
Originally posted by Hall_?ss1088
A script just came to me. It's about three characters who each represent a different side of my personality and experiences in life. I've just scraped out a few scenes...I wish I could get someone who would really read it.Anyone want to help me out?
A tool for improving the human condition...
I'll be pleased to read your script because i write scrpts myself. You know what?, i could be your critic, my services are free so don't worry yourself about a debut card.
Yup I am the next best pulp movie director, believe it or not but I would personally like you to believe it. Yup that's all I have to write, yeah folks that's all.
yeah by the way my e-mail address is:
sirfingi?hotmail.co.uk
I know it's hotmail trust me on this one i ain't proud nor ashamed but, very much... i don't really know. so you know I'm 15 years old if I may add, so if an adult who just about 20 or over and has a great taste for boys my age, please don't contact me. That was for the record.
Yup I am the next best pulp movie director, believe it or not but I would personally like you to believe it. Yup that's all I have to write, yeah folks that's all.
Here is an overveiw of what my script is about...I'm still in the process of writing and re-writing it...but these are th basic need-to-knows...
It starts off halfway through a really tense conversation between a son and his mother. The boy, fancies himself a filmmaker, after winning a few youth awards at film festivals for his shorts in high school, and is skipping the college experience to live with a small time independent filmmaker who used big talk to convince the boy to see him as a mentor. The mother recognizes that he's just running away from his youth and when we fade in on that first scene, she is pleading with him to reconsider. He is only 17. Well basically, the boy, John, tells her off in a really hurtful way.
Later that day, he reflects on his cruelty, while visiting his girlfreind, Michelle. She is also 17, and is very submissive and dependent on John...she tells him everythign he wants to hear. We later learn that this is because everyone else in her life depends on her for their own survival--her father is dying of colon cancer in their house, her mother left long ago, and she is basically raising her 4 year old sister--she just wnats someone else to depend on. He asks her to come up to Minneapolis for the first few days while he sets up...she agrees, but she must have her baby sister stay at the day care lady's for that time.
Michelle's sister, ARIA, goes to day care at the Morris'. Mrs. Morris, is the day care lady...Mr. Morris, Mark, works asphalt because he made some bad decisions in his life and missed out on an essential, functioning education. He is getting old and has so many regrets for where he is in life...he convinces himself that he wants a child, a son, but it's obvious that this is just an attempt to patch these regrets. His wife, half-awake in bed when he asks her, doesnt want a child. "I take care of them for aliving," she says.
During ARIA's time there, Mark connects with her deeply, having fun with her as if she was his own child. While at John's new place in Minneapolis, the two lovers start to disconnect. Afer this set-up, comes the big turn, that sort of starts the whole thing over...
Michelle picks up ARIA and they get in an accident...Aria dies and Michelle is left with a horrible scar on her face. John fades away, as well as growing farther and farther away from his persistantly caring mother, who still calls him on the phone every night to make sure things are going well. He has a bad experience in the city, that makes him reevaluate where he stands in the big scheme of things. Mark is completely devestated by the death of Aria...he connected so much in so little time.
Time passes and the characters disconnect with eachother. ARIA's father is dying...and though he is always quiet and kind, she can feel the blame he places on her for the accident. Mark begins movign away form Mrs. Morris, but she doesnt seem to notice. Michelle and Mark bump into eachother at some public place or something....whatever, haha....and they connect through Aria. Both is sad and regretful...both loved Aria. Both think about things that could have been, but never will be now. They connect as freinds...but their sadness complicates things and it turns into a sad, confused realationship for a short while.
John goes on a sort of downward spiral, trying to make a film that seems to have no plot... He forces everyone out of his life...even his mother.
There will be a point where all of these characters hit ROCK BOTTOM....and it will be intense and sad for awhile, but they will, in the end, pull themselves out of it and their lives will be put in the direction they should have been in long ago.
We must all surpass eachother.
Draw me after you, let us run.
We must all surpass eachother.
Draw me after you, let us run.
Tell me what you think...it's obviously a complicated story about 3 different characters, but I will illustrate every aspect of them as well as I possibly can. I may not have lived long, but I know others who have...others with regrets...others that have recycled their feelings on me since I was too youn gto remember. I feel wiser than a lot of people, because I know these feelings in advance...as if I've experienced them.
I'm open to ANY suggestions, now that you know what it is about. It's not really about being 17...ive just injected some of my own experiences and experiences of ppl I know and love into it.
We must all surpass eachother.
Draw me after you, let us run.
We must all surpass eachother.
Draw me after you, let us run.
I felt like this has potential. It seemed like Crash except of racism you are dealing with relationships and chances in life. I read the script you sent me and it wasnt that bad. Try to invest in script writing software or download a free one. It just makes teh scripts a little easier to read and they look more professional. But the content of it was good. I kinda just skimmed over it so i could reply quickly. When i get a chance to read it and focus more on it ill reply with better feedback
"I believe the cinema is one of our principal forms of art. It is an incredibly powerful way to tell uplifitng stories that can move people to cry with joy and inspire them to reach for the stars."-Wes Craven
"Anyone who has ever been privileged to direct a film also knows that, although it can be like trying to write 'War and Peace' in a bumper car in an amusement park, when you finally get it right, there are not many joys in life that can equal the feeling." - Stanley Kubrick
