No too long ago, during an era I call "late 2006", I created a 10 minute short for one course movie production class. It was a horrific time. I'll recap the entire event by taking selection from a blog I made during that era--I apologize if this selection is a little on the long side and typo'd (though I fix some), but I think it conveys what I was feeling at the time and the problems with it.

...As with most things in a 20-somethings life, it started out in a college classroom. I was to make a 10 minute film in my video media class. My concept? A dark comedy about a pretentious film student who's film was so woefully rejected by his teacher and peers, that he wants to commit suicide, but in a clever enough way that people will actually remember. After montage of failed suicide attempts, he gets more depressed and decides to drink himself to death, but in his drunken dream, he meets God who promptly tells him the meaning of life. He wakes up from it, attempting to proclaim it from the streets, but ends up getting dying when a car hits him. It wasn't going to Cannes, but for my first film since the age of ten, it would be fun, ?nice and a great thing to look back on.?

It didn't happen like that. My procrastination kicked it and by week five (?My college? goes by quarters, ie 10 week periods), I only had two pages of this script. I tried to show them to Shaun, my friend and the lead in this film. Sadly, I use a strange format that won't show on his computer. That same day, however, he suggested that we do a serious film noir.

I knew nothing of film noirs beyond Sin City and parodies, but I agreed. Shaun's my friend and I didn't want to pull him into a project he won't be intersted in, plus I didn't feel attached to this script, so I agreed on the exception that we watch some noirs together to get a feel for the genre.

That never happened.

A week later, I had the script. I won't lie, it was crapsterpiece. The female character underdeveloped and all of the other characters was two dimensional (a fact I actually referred to in the script). The ending was clunky too. It was mine though and I loved it just like a mother loves a retarded son.

I'd send a script over, which he'd promptly loose due to the confusion of his household. I gave him some time to look, but soon week eight showed up, so I basically went, emailed the script to myself in various saved formats and printed out more copies of it at ?my college? and sent all five of them to Shaun.

He read it over and suggested some changes I needed to do to it. I was no stranger to his criticism--he was instrumental in helping me with a one act play I had written. Of course, he suggested the one thing I always had trouble with; developing an interesting female character. I'd fix some of the problems, like clunky and/or low-brow phrases. However, I still couldn't bumble * word pad into creating a believable woman with motivation.

Another problem was over the horizon. Actors. Originally, it was going to be me, Shaun and Chazz but since this film was a film noir--I was going to need different actors. Shaun asked me and I dropped a brick. Luckily, I had honesty to back me up. "I don't know as many actors as you do Shaun," I essentially told him, "and outside of this household and the people that show up, I don't have any relations that would be interested." He was irritated, but he agreed to call some people.

It's now week eight. We secured John, Kelli, Shaun and another male who's name escapes me for the project. Despite reading over the new script once and periodically proclaiming "we've done all we can, let's shoot," he still wanted me to turn this female into a character an actress would actually want to play her. I agreed, racking my brain out on how to fix her while fixing various other lines we've discussed.

Week Nine. Time to shoot and we all felt the need to, but there was fundamental problems that kept things from taking off as well as growing irritations with Shaun and Kelli as they started to ask things like "When do we shoot?", "What about our costumes?" and "Where's Lisa's ?the female character? motivation?" The first one was basically unanswerable to a larger extend--I never had made a film as an adult and anything I did suggest would be retorted with "I have work." The second question was easy enough, "We don't have a budget and this is a student film watched by just a few people, so I don't give a rat's ass." They hated the idea and wanted us to spend money we didn't really have. The third one was impossible, as the script--while now mediocre--still didn't provide anyone with anything.

Its two days before it has to be turned in. I couldn't get the locations I need secured fully. I wanted to shoot at this one place, but this was denied to me, so lamely speaking, we shot it at my parents, which I hadn't fulled blocked out in my mind. It was a long, tedious shoot--which isn't uncommon from what I understand. ?I here i?t takes two-three days to make a decent 4 minute music video. Of course, Kelli and Shaun was aggravated with me, with obvious and often vocal thoughts of my incompetence, even though I told them that this is my first film. It take hours, but I got the shots we needed .

On the second day of shooting, Shaun was sick. Out of the question. I was ready to turn it what I had on Monday, but Shaun bounced back and proclaimed that I SHOULD take Monday off and finish this and deliver it on Thursday, I agreed, considering the lenience of my teacher as well as other factors.

On the third day of shooting, we couldn't get the actor that played the drug dealer to come in. I pleaded with near-by friends, whom all said no, so I put myself in the roll despite being more of a comedic type. Kelli would fill in as a camera operator and basically director of this scene between me and Shaun--which she was surprising good at despite her (assumed) first time.

The next part was doozy though. The place I had secured ?omitted? was out of the question and after an attempt to break into my parent's other house--we decided to shoot it in the school parking lot. Tensions were high, but we moved on. The camera's battery was dying, however, as I forgot to charge it, so I was going to take 15 minutes and get it charge. The irony of this though, was that the black box was now free, so I used near-by plug ends and we'd shoot in in there. We got some shots... but we ran out of tape. I went to my car to get an extra emergency tape, but it was at home.

I felt totally defeated. Beaten down. I had failed at a lot of things in my life and I was still falling. It was angry with Shaun, with Kelli, with the no-name that didn't show up. Not with John, though. Shaun started to feel sympathy and bought me a quarter-pounder, which cheered me up a little.

He'd immediately piss me of though. I convened Mom to give me a loan for the after-party as sort of symbolic apology for making them make an awful film. I was basically told to go home and get the tape and come back the next morning, but I need a ten-spot from Andi's purse since I did drive her to work. I pulled up in front of Shaun's and told him to tell Andi's boyfriend to get the ten needed so I could go home and get it. I sat in the car for about ten minutes before I turned off the engine and went inside to see what's what.

I find Shaun, Kelli and John in there opening the bottle of wine I went halfies on for the after-party. I felt betrayed. The very party I was throwing as an apology was being had WITHOUT me, turned around and used as a "f you, incompetent Jake!" party. I stayed at the house anyway in protest. I didn't vocalize anything despite the fact I probably should have, but they knew I was there and they didn't even invite me to my own goddamn party. I spent the rest of the night there, just playing DBZ TB2 and talking with my more thoughtful friends.

The next day--I didn't come back with the day. I did upload it onto the school computer the day after. I have sometime in store for Shaun and Kelli (with apologizes to John, who didn't intentionally do anything except be at the wrong place at the wrong time.)

I go on to vent more of my frustration with the understanding that while "40%-75%" of the sloppy production was my fault, I still angry at them, especially for the whole "party without me." ...and how I might go on to make another movie.

Which leads to this point.

Here I am a year later, with a desire to make another film (be it a short film, a long film or something for the FOX contest on MySpace). I want to dive back into it again, but I'm afraid it might lead to the same situation it did in in late '06. Which leads me to ask a few questions.

If you're the director, the cameraman and the guy that dicks with a tripod--how long should a shot take to step up? How many shots should I take?

How do I calm actors that get frustrated in me 'taking too long'?

...and finally, Should I even RETURN to directing or do I just have all the wrong personality to make movies?

Amazing, One Time Offer!