Hey Vitriol, welcome to the forum!

I have a huge respect and admiration for animators, and I can see the effort put into this project. It's really high quality as well (in my mind), so congrats on that.

It's way too short though. Or rather, since your goal was for it to be under 10 minutes, the story is simply not presented comprehensibly. I have no idea what was going on. Absolutely no idea. I can try to guess the bedridden character is hallucinating (seeing a man appearing in and out), but not only is that not explicitly implied but the film stops before any explanation towards ANYTHING is given.

For a lot of things, not explaining WHY things are happening is quite acceptable. To not explain WHAT is happening is most often not, and your video is no exception.

I want to like your work (I like the style of it!) but the story is simply non-existent and the pacing is broken (half of the video is opening credits, and there is no visible plot or conclusion) and as such is non-engaging. I'm sorry for sounding like a jerk (believe me, I'm not trying to) but I just want to be as direct as possible.

There's definitely potential there though, just work hard on getting the story across next time.

Hey mate,

Firstly, thanks for taking the time to write such in-depth feedback!
I'm not going to improve without any negative feedback at all, so i appreciate what you've written.

The competition i entered it in did have a time constraint of 10 seconds max, and all other entrants did 'Morph' style Animations (If you're familiar with that style). So i really wanted to avoid going down that path, maybe an error on my behalf.

I did take a fair bit more footage, which more coherently told the 'story', but during last minute editing (since it was a 2 week project) i cut allot of that out to fit in with the 10 second time constraint. Another error on my behalf. This was also my first time using an editing program for the clip possibly contributing to that.

I'll be taking everything you've said into consideration when i begin my next larger project (with no constraints), which i have already begun gathering Materials for.

I'm going to try allot of new things with this project, building 'rigs' to hopefully allow me to create more complex actions.

Anyway, thanks again.
I hope to be able to return with a much improved style/story-line in general.

www.youtube.com/VitriolMotion

Hey I'm glad you're taking such a great attitude towards this!

Glad to see as well you've realized what you did personally in regards to the resulting lack of story. Looking forward to your next project. 🙂

I liked the way it looked! But I'm at work and don't have sound so I can't comment on that part. I thought the action was fluid and worked well. With more characters (and more outfits lol) it would like and move well. So I would guess if your ready to put years of your life towards a giant project, I say go for it.

Just make sure your script is absolutely what you want it to be before you start.

http://www.mrgablesreality.webs.com
My site to promote my writing/opinions/and soon movies!

Thanks for your feedback.

Hah, yes, i agree outfits would be nice.

www.youtube.com/VitriolMotion