Hey,

I'm 16, (16 1/2 if you want to get technical) and I've been writing and making movies from a little of three years now. I used, and still use a Digital-8 camera like you, and I use pretty "cheap" editing software.

They key is to write EVERY DAY and make as many movies as possible. The quality may not be great, and the acting may not be top notc, but atleast your getting practice. Also, watch as many films as you can. Study them. The first time you watch it just watch for the story. Then the 2nd time pay closer attention to how the director did it--the shots and angles he chose. How he used music. How the film was scripted etc... etc...

When I compare the very first script I ever wrote to my most recent script I cannot believe the difference. I've gotten much better, and I expect that I will only imporve. So, the key is to practice as much as you can, because as you go along, things will get better, and better and better. It probably is a good idea also to keep this, your first movie, pretty short, just to get your feet wet. Also, good thinking with using the resources you have, it helps alot.

As for the script, it looks pretty good right now. If you have any questions or just want to chat about movies feel free to email me.

Good Luck!

These two ran him over and (a) didn't keep going? (b) Didn't check for a pulse? (c) Didn't take him to the hospital once they found out he was alive?.Unless these two are doing something illegal beyond speeding when they ran into him they wouldn't try to dump the body. They wouldn't even move the body. They'd clean the car and set up an alibi or they'd call the cops and deal with unintenional manslaughter charges.

I like your opening scene, and none of what I've said above kills the story, but its all stuff you should think about. It could be stuff the injured guy overhears as he's waking up as the hysterical driver and cool passenger discuss why they didn't leave the body, or whatever.

RJSchwarz
San Diego, CA

Thanks both of you.

Haven?t had a chance to write anymore or reply here since I posted it.

Those are good point you bring up rjschwarz, I didn't think of those; I?ll have to think of some cleverly contrived situation that makes sense.
I was going to have flashbacks from the main character's point of view to when he was semi-conscious and overhearing the others, as well as possibly an expositional scene (of the 2 driving) near the end, so I?m going to work explanations into there.

One possible answer I just thought of as to why they didn?t drive on was that they hit him on the footpath right in front of one of their houses.

They would also probably be drunk (maybe they don't have a proper license either), which would explain, why they didn't check for pulse (as well as the fact that they would be in complete panic and probably not able think straight), and why they didn't take him to hospital, and drink driving (and possibly not having a license) would carry a heavier sentence for them.

Thanks again.
-V

Some thoughts.

First perhaps they were drunk and intended to beat him up. He screwed with one of their sisters or something. If the intent to do ill is already there the next step of disposing of the body is obvious, since they would be the suspects.

Second perhaps they didn't think they hurt him that bad. They thought he was playing around, then during the drive they start to think he might be dead. They've disturbed a crime scene and headed in the wrong direction from the hospital. Nobody is gonna believe their story.

Third, perhaps they are drunk, underage, and in a stolen car.

Mix and match the stories but they need that little extra push to get them to ditch a body. Also it might be more dramatic as they discuss things and the viewer/and protaganist slowly realize they're talking about dumping his body.

RJSchwarz
San Diego, CA

Thanks rjschwarz,
Will be useful when I write those parts.

I?ve gotten around to writing a couple of scenes from where my character awakes.

It goes on for quite a bit, and I?m not sure how it'll flow back. Probably it'll keep flashing back showing more and more of the events of the night as Sylvester remembers them.

One point I'm not sure about is whether or not the second voice should be heard on phone calls. At first I was writing it without, but the silences in between might be annoying for the audience.
So I wrote the last conservation with the person on the other end of the phone audible.
Tell me which way you think is better.

Here's the update version:
It's a text file. Hopefully this link works.

http://s16.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=0OV3WWCSGQEY932T6QYMRD9KXH

Thanks.
-V

Annoyances can also be dramatic. Its also something you can add or remove in post-production and see which you like better. You might also consider a third option, the muffled voice on the phone is partially audable, leaving the viewer guessing, or misguessing, what hs been said.

RJSchwarz
San Diego, CA

I really like your idea. And I like the idea that the two guys in the car were actually heading over to find this guy and confront him or beat him up. He could be leaving the house of the passenger's girlfriend. The girlfriend is cheating with the guy who gets hit.

That's why the passenger is cold, distant. He doesn't care that he hurt the guy, doesn't care if he's dead or alive. The driver can have the conscience and maybe be redeemed in the end...

It also ads the idea that nobody will believe it was an accident, they will be blamed for murder. Without a body the story can be the guy ran away in fear. The two killers need to work on their alibi, something the injured guy probably overhears. Could sound confusing at first but slowly starts to make sense as the victim realizes what they intend.

It can be even more dramatic if he didn't actually screw around with the girlfriend. Its the kind of thing he would naturally say to save his life, something they wouldn't believe. Perhaps one of the bad guys finds a movie ticket in his pocket proving he wasn't with the girlfriend after all. The other, the angry, drunk, leader boyfriend doesn't care by then. It doesn't matter. We've come to far.

RJSchwarz
San Diego, CA

Thanks. Those are good points. I've structured the plot with them hitting him for cheating with one of their girlfriends, The twist at the end being that he wasn't actually.
But i'm thinking his own girlfriend also suspects him because he's been visiting her house, for some other reason, which he is a bit unwilling to disclose. (because he's short on money and is giving her lessons in something (an instrument? say, guitar?), but doesn't want his girlfriend to know he's short on money. is that a good enough reason? tell me if you can think of any other possible explanations.)

And another question i have is: how do i set up a shot to show something is missing.
The shot shows some empty space, then pans around to the character. he's bewildered because his car has been stolen. How does the audience know? (skid marks on the ground?, he's holding the keys?)

thanks again.
-V

quote:

---

And another question i have is: how do i set up a shot to show something is missing.

---

The obvious solution is to show it there and then show it gone. For example, he could drive up in the car and park it, then come back later and it's no longer there. Or the really cheesy solution would be to have him say 'where's my car?' :).

I'm sure there are better ways if you think about it some more.

Your excuse for why he is there would work. Another thing, often at the site of a broken car you'll find some broken glass from the window that was used to gain entry. You can probably make some sugar glass and break it up small and leave it on the ground where the car was.

You could also add other details. Another scene where he hears a car alarm but dismisses it for whatever reason. A handful of cassettes left behind by a crook who is also a music critic (character should comment to make that work). Perhaps leave the guitar smashed at the site where the car was (used acoustic from a thrift shop).

RJSchwarz
San Diego, CA

You want to go really creepy and dramatic. Don't have the two thugs jealous, have them doing what they are told, at least one is in love with the victim's girlfriend. They drop our victim off where his girlfriend is waiting with a shovel and a fresh dug grave. She's mad because the cheating bastard is still alive. The body of the girl he was teaching guitar with is there as well, in the grave.

Intercut the whole thing with the guitar class showing that the victim didn't really even like the girl he was teaching. She was bitchy but he needed the money to buy his girlfriend something nice for her birthday. The guitar student might even tease him with that. "If you want to buy her that, you'll shut up and teach me these chords!"

Even if the girlfriend believes his last minute please by that point they've taken the whole thing beyond the point of no return. This could cause some nice drama with the two thugs who might not have been involved in the guitar student slaying.

RJSchwarz
San Diego, CA